What is it, seven and half months now? That is (does the math) 233 Somedays in a row and I am tired. I have run out of coping energy yet I know I have another year(?) of coping to do. And then what? Some new way of life that isn’t like life in The Before. It might be close but some things have changed forever I’m sure. In the same way that things changed post 9/11. Now, we take for granted security lines and 3 oz bottles or smaller, a perpetual war in Afghanistan and other major shifts that mark the last new normal.
Ena continues to have angina attacks. She will go a week or two and we will think, “Yay! We finally have a handle on this!” Then she will have a cluster of attacks. She had 5 last Friday morning and we had to run to Urgent Care to have her checked. Everything came back normal but it is still scary and it is still disheartening. We were both melancholy over the weekend. We both realize now that she isn’t getting better. She won’t be cured but we will learn to manage the disease. That this is the new normal for her and for us. A new security line that we must draw for ourselves.
What else of *gestures broadly at everything* is going to be part of the new normal? Every time I think we must have hit bottom and we will start to climb out of this trough of despair it seems some new thing gets added to list. RBG – you did well to hang on as long as you did.
I’m guessing it will be a long time before I go back into the office. I will probably telework for much of the rest of my career. That seems rather strange. How long untill we are comfortable riding a bus to go downtown? Which of our arts venues will survive? What of our favorite restaurants?
I worry about the deep rifts in our society and the embracing of hate-filled ideologies. Hate is such an easy emotion as is fear. I’m sure that everyone reading this can work up anger and hate in a few minutes if they focus on the right things. Or they can fill themselves with fear and dread. How long till we wring that base response out of the fabric of our nation? How long until we relearn compassion, trust, helping others?
“… I dwell in a house of a thousands dreams. What happens in this house matters to me. We’ve not been made perfect by God. But here I try to speak in the voice of my better angels. We have been given the tools and the property of the soul to be attended and accountable for. And that takes work. Work that we might be build on the principles of love, liberty, fraternity – ancient ideas that still form the basis for a good life and a humane society. What happens in this house matters. So brothers and sisters, wherever you are, let’s light up this house.”Bruce Springsteen, A Letter To You
P.s. If you haven’t watched Bruce Springsteen’s A Letter To You, it is lovely. It is hard to believe he is 71 years old.
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